


Good Bros Don't Cuddle

by ferric



Series: Good Bros Don't Cuddle [2]
Category: Social Network (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-23
Updated: 2012-04-23
Packaged: 2017-11-04 04:29:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/389758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferric/pseuds/ferric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eduardo didn’t expect to learn about Mark’s first time, nor did he expect himself to freak out over it.  Nevertheless, it began with a game of Never Have I Ever. Fill for the <a href="http://tsn-kinkmeme.livejournal.com/8388.html?thread=15418820#t15418820">tsn_kinkmeme prompt</a>: "I will cuddle the fuck out of you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It began with a game of Never Have I Ever.

Mark, Dustin, and Chris were roommates, but Eduardo, despite being an acquaintance of Chris from Econ (and, by definition of first year college boys struggling to find their place in this new environment, a friend) felt left out of their group. There was a camaraderie among people who lived together that Eduardo couldn’t understand or try to understand (he had a single).

So when the trio invited Eduardo over to hang out at their suite, he brought Billy Olson along, a guy that knew Mark and Dustin from CS and Eduardo from a random humanities class he took for fun. Eduardo hoped that the presence of Billy would help diffuse the sense of loneliness, or, even better, give the three musketeers a hint to keep their inside jokes and their “remember that one time” anecdotes to themselves.

Eduardo thought about bringing beer, but decided not to because he didn’t know for sure how the other three would take it. They were still at that stage of the relationship when Eduardo wouldn’t risk revealing himself when he didn’t know which angle he should sell them. If they were square, he’ll play the ‘good boy from a good Jewish family’ card. If they were square who were pretending not to be, he’ll play the ‘seemingly good boy with a rebellious edge who is stuck in a strict Jewish family’ card. If they were just plain assholes, then well…Eduardo would hate it, but he would play the asshole card if need be.

Billy Olson, however, was not Eduardo and brought the beer anyway.

Eduardo hissed to Billy when they were outside the door. “What are you doing?” He gestured to the case of beer dangling dangerously from Billy’s hand. “We’re not old enough to drink.”

“Relax, Eduardo,” said Billy. He did some kind of hand gesture. “No one’s gonna be a bitch about it. They all want a piece of this.” Eduardo wasn’t sure if Billy was referring to the beer or to his own penis. It was hard to tell because Billy liked to make random dick jokes. Contrary to what Billy liked to tell himself, the bad jokes did not make Billy anymore endearing in the eyes of women. 

Before Eduardo could dignify that with a response, the door swung open with Dustin greeting them. “Hey guys,” and then, spotting the case of beer in Billy’s hand, Dustin lurched forward and pulled Billy in a one-armed hug. “You brought beer? Fuck, I love you so much right now.”

Billy chuckled, trying not to drop the beer case. “Love you too man. No homo though.”

Dustin laughed, pushing Billy away.”Whatever man. Chris is all I need. Right, Chris?”

“Please leave me out of this.” Chris was sitting on the couch when Dustin moved for Billy and Eduardo to come in.

“That’s not what you said last night.” Dustin went to sit next to Chris but Chris kicked him. “Oww.”

“Mark!” Billy called. “Beer!”

Mark was, predictably, in front of his computer again. He peeked in the common room when Billy called, and, seeing the beer, he slowly detangled himself from the computer to join the party.

Eduardo felt a sharp disappointment bursting through because he had thought of bringing beer but decided not to.

“Hey” was all Mark said before settling in his favorite armchair by the minifridge. His greeting was for everyone, but Eduardo quickly greeted back with a “Hi” before Billy beat him to it.

But Billy was closer to Mark and he handed Mark a beer with ease. “Hey man.”

Mark took it gratefully and nodded in thanks.

Billy handed Eduardo the case for him to take one and pass it on to Dustin and Chris, and Eduardo almost decline one for himself, just to spite Billy, but being left out felt even worse, so he grudgingly took a beer and handed the rest to Dustin and Chris.

“Mark,” Dustin mock-whined. “Chris wanted me to pretend last night didn’t happen.”

Billy looked amused. “What did happen last night?”

“Nothing,” said Chris at the same time Mark said. “I’m not sure what I was seeing, but I watched anyway.”

Everyone laughed except for Mark who just smirked and Eduardo who just chuckled weakly because he felt left out of the conversation. There was an alarm in his head beeping, “What did Mark watch? What did Mark watch? It better not be what I think it is.”

Billy moved to the other side of the room to sit on the remaining armchair, and Eduardo realized that he was the only one standing. He could sit on the couch next to Dustin and Chris, but Dustin was sitting with his back against the arm rest and his feet against Chris’s thigh, taking space for two people, and Eduardo didn’t want to be impolite and tell him to shove aside.

“Dustin, move,” said Mark, eyeing Eduardo.

“Oh,” Dustin scrambled to make room. “Sorry man.”

“No, it’s alright,” said Eduardo. “You don’t have to move. I don’t want to sit down anyway.” Besides, Dustin was sitting on the side of the couch nearest to Billy, away from Mark, and Eduardo didn’t want to sit there anyway. And sitting between Chris and Dustin would make him feel bad for separating them.

In other words, he wanted to sit near Mark, and he wasn’t going to settle for almost.

“You could grab Dustin’s computer chair,” Chris suggested.

“Is that okay?” Eduardo asked.

“Yeah, it’s cool,” Dustin replied, and Eduardo went to grab the chair to put it in the space between Mark and Chris.

Of course, it was Dustin who suggested, “We should play a drinking game.”

“What game?” Billy asked, while Chris said. “No, we should not.” 

Mark opened his beer with a bottle opener, and Eduardo remembered the time he asked Mark to take a look at his computer, and Mark had showed him his second baby—the first being his laptop—a screwdriver, a Swiss knife, and a bottle opener all in one. Mark had no use for the knife, but he thought it would be cool to have it. Mark gave Dustin The Glare of Death when he asked if he could borrow it.

Mark handed it to Eduardo wordlessly, and for a second, Eduardo just stared at him because all Eduardo could register in his mind was the fact that Mark was giving Eduardo his second baby. But then Eduardo realized that Mark just offered it so that Eduardo could open his beer bottle.

“Thanks,” said Eduardo. He took great care in getting the cap open slowly as not to meet Mark’s eyes.

“Why?” asked Mark, and Eduardo jumped in his seat. When he realized that Mark was talking to Dustin, he was relieved and a little disappointed.

“Because it’ll be fun!” said Dustin.

“It’ll be more humiliating than fun,” said Mark.

But Dustin was determined. “Well, nothing bring friends closer than embarrassing moments, yeah?” At this, he gave Chris and Mark a look, which made Chris flushed slightly and Mark lifted one of his brow.

It was one of those inside jokes that Eduardo didn’t get, but could guess. He tried to hold back his envy because there was no room for it. He took comfort in the fact that Billy was in the same boat as him.

“I am in,” said Billy.

“Me too,” said Eduardo, not wanting to be outdone. Besides, he really wanted to be a part of the group. He wanted his own inside jokes too, or at least, recognized the group’s inside jokes if it ever came up again.

A shrug was Mark’s only response.

Dustin turned to Chris.

Chris knew that he was being cornered. “I hate you,” he told Dustin.

“I love you too,” said Dustin, and Chris sighed. “Fine, let’s do it.”

“What are we going to play?” asked Billy.

“Never Have I Ever,” Dustin replied. “It’s a game that you wouldn’t feel bad for losing.”

Mark scoffed. “You’ll be too drunk to feel bad anyway.” 

Eduardo grinned, turning to Mark to find that Mark was already looking at him. Mark grinned back.

“Yeah, let’s play,” Eduardo said, suddenly not feeling all that bad for not contributing much to the conversation.

“Who wants to start?” asked Dustin, and a silence followed. “Fine, I’ll go first. Never have I ever been in New York.”

“The state or the city?” asked Billy.

“The state.”

“Damn,” Billy took a swig. Everyone else did too.

Mark glared at Dustin, who shrugged.

And so they all went around, each revealing a little bit more about themselves, but nothing too earth shattering. After a few rounds though, Eduardo was beginning to feel tipsy, and he suspected that everyone else was the same. It was nice. Eduardo found out random facts about his friends, the most memorable was Dustin’s swallowing of a goldfish on a dare in third grade to impress his crush. They abandoned the ten finger thing somewhere in the middle and stuck to the beer.

Eduardo kicked Mark’s ankle with his feet. Mark attempted to retaliate, but he had shorter leg and couldn’t reach Eduardo. He ended up slipping out of his chair and onto the floor. 

Everyone laughed and laughed because everything was much funnier with beer. Mark picked himself up from the ground and said, “Fuck you guys,” even though Eduardo could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He sat back in the armchair, shooting Eduardo a look that he interpreted as, ‘I shall get my revenge someday.’

After the excitement died down, Billy decided that he wasn’t going to let it be because when it was his turn in the game, he said. “Let’s make this even more fun.”

“How so?” Chris asked cautiously.

“The game is too—” Billy searched for a word but couldn’t find one in his beer-muddled mind.

“Vanilla,” Dustin finished for him, and Billy nodded in approval. 

Eduardo didn’t like the sound of this. He turned to Mark.

Mark shrugged.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Chris asked.

“It means that we all have to say something embarrassing,” replied Billy.

“And Dustin’s goldfish thing isn’t embarrassing enough?” said Mark, the alcohol loosening his tongue and be began to snickering to himself.

Mark was always the most lightweight out of all of them, Eduardo thought fondly. He let this image of Mark burned in his mind because he rarely see Mark like this, relaxed and smiling and happy. 

“No, not like that,” Billy said. “Like, like—”

“About sex?” Dustin asked.

“Yeah!” Billy swung his arms dramatically, almost losing his grip on his beer. “Sex!”

This earned a groan from both Eduardo and Chris. Eduardo spoke first. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Anything that Billy comes up with can’t be a good idea,” said Chris. Eduardo had to agree, although bringing the beer was a good one. Whatever.

“Let’s do it!” Dustin cheered, and Billy joined in his enthusiasm. “Yes!”

“Then you go first,” Eduardo said.

“What?” Billy squeaked, which broke Mark into a giggling fit. Eduardo was a little worried. If Mark started giggling, that meant he was really out of it. 

“Why me?”

“Because you suggested it first,” Chris answered.

“You have to go first, man. It’s only fair,” said Dustin.

Billy knew that he was cornered. There was no point dragging this on any longer. “Fine, I’ll start.” He took a breath, ducking his head a little, as if what he will say will destroyed the whole universe. “Never have I ever had sex.”

Eduardo took a swallow from his bottle. Then, he couldn’t help himself but laughed. Billy never had sex, but he wanted the game to head down that road. This guy was really shameless.

“What’s so funny?” Chris said defensively. Eduardo suddenly realized that Chris and Dustin didn’t drink from their bottle.

“No, there’s nothing wrong with not having sex,” Eduardo frown. “You mean you guys never—”

“No,” said Dustin. “Virgin and proud!” He did this weird robot dance that had Chris broke into giggles. 

Billy whooped and reached over to Dustin for an awkward high five. “Virgin and proud, baby!”

“No,” Chris answered, sounding embarrassed. “I’ve never….I haven’t found a guy who…is right.”

There was an awkward pause, and then Billy broke it, “Awww, Chris.” He got out of his chair, stumbling over the couch with his arms spread wide for a hug. 

“No,” he glared at Billy, and Billy raised both of his hands in surrender. “Alright,” Billy settled back into his chair.

Chris turned to Dustin, who was staring at him, “What?”

Then suddenly Dustin lunged forward and pulled Chris into a hug. “Dustin, let go,” said Chris, but it sounded like he didn’t really mean it. Dustin planted a sloppy kiss on Chris’s cheek, and Chris shoved him off, his face burning red.

“There’s so much heterosexuality in this room right now,” said Billy.

“Fuck off,” Dustin laughed. “You’re just jealous.”

Billy laughed good-naturedly. “Maybe. Although I’m kind of bummed out that most of us haven’t had sex. This would cut the game short. But,” he turned to look at Eduardo, and Eduardo knew that he wouldn’t like what was to come. “We do have Eduardo and Mark here who had.”

What?

Eduardo looked at Mark, suddenly noticing that Mark was silent for the past few minutes. Mark had sex before? Well, Eduardo didn’t want to sound like a douche bag, but if Dustin and Chris hadn’t had sex, then he wouldn’t expect Mark to either.

It was kind of weird because Mark was supposed to be…Eduardo didn’t know, but it was a little strange to imagine Mark as a sexual being. Really strange. Weird. Because Mark was supposed to be his friend, a friend that Eduardo did not associate with sex. 

Mark didn’t say anything. He stared back at Billy defiantly, as if saying, ‘So what?’ and ‘You wished you had sex’ at the same time.

Eduardo was curious, but at the same time, he didn’t want to know. 

“I want stories,” said Chris, and when Dustin shot him a look, Chris said. “What? Aren’t you curious too?”

“I am,” Dustin admitted.

“Me too,” Billy chimed in.

And then the three began to look at him and Mark expectantly. 

“What?” Eduardo suspected that he looked like a trapped animal right now.

“Stories,” replied Dustin. “Now.” He made a point of putting his hands under his chin. Both Chris and Billy leaned forward, elbows on their knees attentively.

He didn’t say anything because he was hoping that Mark would go first. But Mark didn’t say anything, and he didn’t seem that bothered by the other three’s expectant staring.

Eduardo was though. He really felt like some kind of zoo animal, and he really wanted them to stop right now. 

“Fine,” Eduardo caved in, and the other three whooped, high fiving each other. Eduardo shook his head and turned to Mark, who was looking at him curiously. Eduardo felt abashed all of a sudden, and for some reason he really didn’t want to talk about his embarrassing first time in front of Mark. It made him felt all vulnerable, which was strange because Mark wasn’t going to be weird about it, right? They were friends here. 

“How old were you?” Chris asked to push him along.

“It was junior year of high school,” Eduardo sighed. “There was…this girl. We’ve been friends for awhile. Sort of.” Actually, she was a friend of a friend, but well…close enough. “We were playing a video game at her house when her parents weren’t home, and then she sort of leaned over—” Eduardo wanted to hide right about now because his story sounded all awkward and not at all smooth and cool. “She said that she planned for this, and yeah.”

Everyone guffawed, except for Mark, who just chuckled and looked at Eduardo with this…look. Eduardo felt all tingly and strange because Mark was his friend, and….and then he quickly added, “Well, she wasn’t really a friend. More of a friend of a friend.” As if the words would put some kind of distance between him and Mark.

“Was she hot?” asked Billy.

“She was pretty,” Eduardo said generously. She was alright, a bit doughy in places, and definitely bigger than him, but at that age, Eduardo was scrawnier and smaller than everybody. It wasn’t until senior year when his growth spurt really hit off, so at the time, he felt like he was a baby zebra being mauled by a lion twice his size. Eduardo wisely chose to hold that information in for himself only.

“Was it good?” asked Dustin.

“Yeah,” Eduardo answered. It was awkward and sweaty, and he came before she did, but… ”She thanked me after we were done.”

“She thanked you?” Chris sniggered, and the others joined in, even Mark.

“Fuck off,” said Eduardo, face flaming. He wanted to see what Mark thought about all of this, but he didn’t have the courage to look at him. “I mean, I just assumed that she must have had a better time than I did. That’s what the ‘thanks’ meant, right?”

This earned another round of guffaws. Mark, senses softened by the beer, laughed the hardest, clutching his stomach and wiping away the beer dribbling down his chin from laughing so hard with his sleeve.

“Oh Eduardo,” Dustin said when he finally got a grip of himself. “I feel sorry for the girl who was forced to have sex with you.”

“She came on to me!” Eduardo defended himself. “How was I supposed to know that she was going to jump on me during Mario?” The guys laughed again.

Eduardo felt embarrassed, yes, but he also felt happy because for the first time, he felt belonged in the group. Well, Eduardo felt comfortable with Mark, but this was the first time he felt like he fit in with the whole gang. It was nice. Really, really nice.

Eduardo suddenly felt a kick on his ankle, and he turned to look at Mark. He couldn’t read Mark’s expression, but he gave Mark a reassuring smile anyway.

“Okay,” said Chris. “Mark, your turn.”

“Yeah, Mark!” Dustin applauded. “I have to hear this.”

Billy leaned back in his chair. “No offense man, but you don’t look like the type to lose your virginity by the end of high school.”

Mark gave Billy a bored look. “Whatever.”

“So, do tell,” Chris prodded.

“When was it?” asked Dustin.

“Last summer,” said Mark. “Went to a gay bar in New York.”

“What?” a chorus of surprised gawks echoed through the room.

Eduardo felt a strange churning in his stomach. 

“Now I really have to hear this,” said Dustin, while the other three just gaped openly at Mark.

“No way” was Billy’s eventual response. Chris just made a strangled sound.

Eduardo stared at Mark. Stared. And stared.

Mark wasn’t supposed to go to a gay bar. Mark wasn’t supposed to lose his virginity to a random stranger at a gay bar. Mark wasn’t supposed to let creepy older guys touched him. Eduardo wondered in panic if Mark actually liked it, liked that a complete stranger touched him, liked that another guy touched him. Not that Eduardo would do a better job but—

And Eduardo wasn’t supposed to look at Mark in a sexual way. Not at all. 

“Why?” Eduardo finally managed to choke out. He knew that his reaction didn’t even make sense, but he didn’t give a fuck right now because Mark had sex with a guy?

“What happened?” Chris asked.

“I went to New York to visit a distant cousin who goes to Columbia. I stole his ID and snuck out when he left with his friends,” said Mark. “Then a guy picked me up at the bar and we went back to his place.”

“Oh wow” was all Chris could say.

“Was it good?” Dustin asked curiously, and Eduardo wanted to know too, only a little, because he didn’t know if he could handle it if Mark said that it was the best sex of his life.

“It was,” and here Mark hesitated. “Okay.”

Eduardo didn’t know if he should feel relieved or not.

“Just okay?” said Billy.

“High standards?” asked Chris.

“My standards are not that high,” said Mark, and when the others scoffed in disbelief. “I don’t. You guys just think I do.”

“How does it feel?” Dustin asked. Now it was Chris’s turn to shoot him a look. “What? I’m curious.”

“It wasn’t too good,” Mark shrugged. “I mean, he kept saying that he’ll make me feel good, but it didn’t feel good at all, it just hurt a lot, and he just kept going because I wasn’t going to tell him to stop.”

The silence that followed was deafening.

Chris just looked at Mark sympathetically. For once, Dustin and Billy were actually quiet. And Eduardo? Eduardo was fucking pissed off. He was going to fucking kill that guy. He was going to—

“What?” said Mark. “I wanted to try it; I didn’t expect it to feel that bad, but I wanted to try it. Stop looking at me like that.”

The other guys looked guilty. Eduardo felt guilty too because a few minutes ago he was hoping that Mark’s first time with a guy wasn’t so great, but now he would rather have Mark’s first time as the best sex Mark had ever had, even if it wasn’t with….

Eduardo halted his thought before it could drift any further. 

But the awkward silence was still there because none of the guys knew what to say after Mark’s confession. If they said sorry, Mark was probably going to hit them or something, well, he wouldn’t, but he didn’t like it when people apologize for something that wasn’t their fault. But still, everyone felt bad because they made Mark tell the story. 

Eduardo felt that he needed to say something comforting, but then he didn’t know what to say in this situation. It wasn’t your fault? I’m sorry? But nothing made Mark angrier than being made a victim, yet, at the same time….

Dustin, because he was a miracle worker, broke the silence. “Did he make you breakfast the morning after, at least?”

“No,” Mark scoffed, and for some reason, a balance was restored in the room. Eduardo almost collapsed in relief. “We didn’t even cuddle.” And then, realizing what he’d just said, Mark attempted to back track. “I mean—”

But it was too late because Chris (surprisingly, because usually Billy or Dustin would do it) latched on to this right away. “Ah, so the secret’s out. Mark’s a cuddler.”

“I am not,” Mark protested, at the same time Billy said. “Aww, he didn’t cuddle with you? I would cuddle the fuck out of you.”

“As if I would want you,” Mark retorted, earning a chorus of “ohhh, burn!” from everyone but Eduardo, who only laughed weakly. 

“Oh, right,” said Dustin. “He only wants Eduardo to cuddle with him.”

Everyone but Mark and Eduardo laughed. Eduardo felt….abashed, as if something he was trying to bury deep inside was being dragged out. “Stop it, guys.”

But of course, his words only serve to encourage them. They started teasing Mark but Eduardo couldn’t hear it, refused to hear any of it because Mark was Mark and Mark was his friend, and Eduardo couldn’t….couldn’t see him as anything other than that, but apparently Mark was also okay with sleeping with guys, and Eduardo didn’t know what he was supposed to feel about that. There was a small part of him that lit up with hope, but then Eduardo quickly stamped it down because it was scary to think like that, to see your friend as anything more than who he already was because then he was going to have…thoughts.

“If Eduardo doesn’t want you then I’ll cuddle with you, Mark,” said Dustin, and Eduardo felt a flare rising in his chest. He never said he didn’t want to cuddle with Mark, so Dustin could just keep his hands to himself, okay? 

“Wouldn’t that be cheating on Chris?” asked Billy.

“Chris wouldn’t mind if Mark joins us, wouldn’t you?” Dustin nudged Chris with his shoulder. “I mean, we know Mark’s cool with watching, I don’t think he would mind joining in.”

“I don’t mind,” said Chris. “It’ll be—” and before Chris could finish, Eduardo sprung from his chair and went for the door.

Fuck it. Fuck Mark and his inside jokes with Dustin and Chris. Fuck Mark and his going out to fuck some random guy who wasn’t—

“Wardo, wait,” someone said, but Eduardo wasn’t sure. It probably wasn’t Mark because why would Mark call after him? Whatever. Eduardo didn’t care. Mark could go fuck or cuddle with whoever he wanted and Eduardo wouldn’t give a fuck. Mark could go ahead and fuck Dustin and Chris and even Billy and Eduardo wouldn’t give a fuck because he didn’t matter to Mark because Mark didn’t fucking tell him that he—

Eduardo swung the door open and fled.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Eduardo got back to his room, it was roughly 7 or 8 in the morning; he wasn’t sure, but he did have a rough estimate because he passed Andrew on the way. Eduardo rarely saw Andrew because Andrew participated in many sport clubs, but they talked to each other once in a while because they both wanted to get in the Phoenix.

“Hey Eduardo,” Andrew greeted. This guy always woke up early for a morning jog, “How’s it going?” He looked at Eduardo’s rumpled state and grinned, “Had fun last night?”

“Yeah,” Eduardo lied, wanting a shower and an aspirin and having no patience to deal with people right now.

“Who’s the chick?”

“There is no chick.” Then, worrying that he might sound a little too harsh, Eduardo offered Andrew a sheepish smile.

Andrew nodded, accepting that answer.

“How about you?” Eduardo asked politely.

“As good as I’ll ever be,” and just when Eduardo thought it was the end of all conversation, Andrew continued, and Eduardo was forced to turn and walked backward to hear what else he had to say. The movement made his throbbing head even worse, but Eduardo wasn’t going to try and destroy what little neighboring relationship they had.

“There was a guy looking for you yesterday,” said Andrew. “He was hovering outside your door for several hours until Peter threatened to call security. He didn’t leave until I told him you were out with friends.”

“How did you know?” asked Eduardo. “I thought I didn’t tell anyone where I was going.”

“I didn’t,” Andrew shrugged. “I just wanted to get rid of him because he was making the whole floor uncomfortable. Why? Is he someone important?” And here Andrew curled his lips as if the thought of the stranger being someone significant was too funny for words. But then again, Andrew was one of those guys who seemed alright but secretly thought he was better than everyone else. On a good day, Andrew was alright, but on a bad day, Andrew perched on his high chair and told everyone to go get some, like he did because he had a girlfriend. Which apparently Eduardo should be jealous for not having.

Eduardo was too tired to deal with this. He spent most of last night sleeping in the Kirkland Junior Common Room and he really wanted the familiarity and peace of his room now. “I can’t think of anyone,” he said, hoping that this would cut the conversation short. “Thanks though.”

“No prob,” said Andrew, and, because he was a talkative bastard who didn’t know when to shut up, even though the person in front of him really want a shower and a way to get rid of his annoying headache, he kept talking. “Hey, you found your jacket.”

Eduardo glanced down at his favorite North Face jacket, suddenly realizing that he had it on. That was strange. Just last week, he was searching everywhere for it, knocking on doors and asking people if it was mixed up in their laundry. But he woke up this morning and it was draped over his shoulders. Did he find it yesterday and wear it to meet Mark and his gang? Eduardo couldn’t remember, and his headache was not going to take care of itself.

“Yeah” was all Eduardo could say.

“Well, I’ll see you later, Eduardo,” Andrew waved before heading off, and Eduardo said a grateful, “See you” before returning to his room, taking a shower, and forgetting about the weird things surrounding his life for now.

***

After he properly showered, aspirined, and napped, Eduardo woke up around 10 to go to his 11 AM Econ lecture. His headache was gone, but there was a heavy exhaustion that settled in his bones, and Eduardo had to wait about fifteen minutes before he could get up and get dressed.

The worse thing about being awake now, was that clarity allowed Eduardo to digest the horrors of yesterday. He suddenly realized that he was being an idiot yesterday, storming out on his friends, storming out on Mark. Eduardo felt embarrassed. Worse, Chris was in his Econ class, and Eduardo was going to have to face Chris asking for an explanation of yesterday’s episode of Days of Our Lives, Harvard Edition.

Better Chris than Dustin though, especially better than Mark. Eduardo knew that he couldn’t look Mark in the face right now.

He had it carefully planned out. If he came into lecture three minutes later than he usually did, right when class began, he could feign politeness and sat in the back, near the exit, instead of his usual seat next to Chris. Then, just when lecture end, he will bolt for the door. Chris avoiding plan, success.

Dustin was easy to avoid because Eduardo didn’t have any class with him. Mark, on the other hand, shared math with Eduardo, but Eduardo knew that Mark liked to sit in the middle-ish rows, toward the back, and if Eduardo used the same strategy he was going to use with Chris, except now he had to sit in the front row instead, next to the front exit, he could avoid Mark easily too.

So engrossed was Eduardo in his thoughts that he almost tripped on his feet when someone called his name across the quad.

“Eduardo! Hey man!” Billy jogged up to him.

Eduardo figured it would be rude and cowardly if he sped up and pretended that he didn’t hear Billy (even though he was tempted to), but he wasn’t going to stop and wait for Billy. He just continued walking on until the other catch up to him.

“Hey,” said Billy, slowing to a steady walk next to Eduardo, panting slightly from the exertion. Honestly, it wasn’t that far of a distance. Eduardo could run much farther than that without losing his breath. Eduardo was clearly a faster runner than Billy could ever be.

(Okay, so maybe he resented Billy slightly, but really, why was it so easy for Billy to get along quickly with Mark, Dustin, and Chris? Eduardo brought Billy along because Billy was supposed to be his allies last night.)

“Man, what happened yesterday?” asked Billy. “What’s with the random storming out?”

“I was just tired,” Eduardo said, and he knew it was a weak answer too, but this was Billy Olson and he really didn’t care.

“OoooKay,” said Billy. “Whatever you say, man.” He didn’t believe Eduardo, of course, but it didn’t really matter. They walked in silence, and just when Eduardo was about to say that he had to go to class so he’ll see Billy later, Billy startled him with, “Do you have a problem with, you know, gay people?”

Eduardo just stared at him in shock. “What?”

“I mean, not that I’m accusing you of being a homophobic douchebag or anything, but you don’t seem that comfortable with us fooling around yesterday….” Billy trailed off.

“I..I don’t hate gays, are you crazy?” Eduardo hissed, checking for passerby who might eavesdrop. He didn’t have a problem with gays, he didn’t. He didn’t care if some guys liked to…do things to each other, he didn’t, except if one of those guys was Mark, because the thought of Mark…not wearing clothes and letting other guys touched him was…wrong. In fact, the thought of anyone getting too comfortable with Mark, anyone who Mark would smile at or thank after …doing stuff, or, god forbid, cuddle with, was incredibly, incredibly wrong.

(Not that Eduardo ever thought about Mark…doing stuff.)

“That’s not what I meant,” said Billy. “If you’re not comfortable with it, we’ll just all cuddle when you’re not around like yesterday.”

“What?” Eduardo glared at Billy, and something in his tone made Billy backed off. “You guys cuddled? With Mark?” Eduardo loomed forward and Billy took another step back, hands raised in placation.

“Hey, I was just joking,” Billy chuckled nervously. “We didn’t cuddle. Mark doesn’t even let me touch him, let alone cuddle. ” Then, he added for good measure. “Not that I’ve try touching him or anything.”

Eduardo glared at Billy, trying to see if he could read dishonesty from Billy’s stupid face. Billy must have read something from his face because next thing Eduardo knew; the coward shook his head, said something about being late to class, and headed off. Good riddance.

(Ok, so Eduardo had to admit that Billy wasn’t a bad guy, but all of this cuddling with Mark business wasn’t making Eduardo very happy.)

The thing was, Eduardo hoped to avoid everyone who witnessed his moment of stupidity last night. He completely forgot about Billy, but the fact that he bumped into Billy must be a bad premonition of what to come because he narrowly dodged Chris, who strategically sat in another seat as to catch Eduardo as he left. Eduardo barely managed to avoid Dustin, who was stationed in the dining commons, eyes scanning the premise for his prey.

By the time he arrived to his math lecture, Eduardo was ready for his plan of avoiding Mark to fail miserably.

When Eduardo arrived, however, he was surprised to find that Mark wasn’t in class yet. He stood at the entrance, momentarily shocked because he had been running various scenario of awkward and horrific interactions in his head, from Mark giving him the Glare of Death for not sitting with him, to the Tone of Banishment, ‘Don’t bother coming to my suite to hang out anymore,’ or, even worse, the We Need To Talk About Our Feelings seriousness (highly unlikely, but a possibility. 0.000001%, but still a possibility).

Yet, the fact that Mark wasn’t there was…anticlimactic, to be honest.

As a result, Eduardo found himself doing the opposite of what he expected to do: He actually sat in their usual spot and strained his neck every time someone came in the class, hoping that it was Mark. Mark always arrived to class earlier than Eduardo, and the disruption of this normal routine was making Eduardo worried. Suddenly, he was more concerned about Mark’s wellbeing than his plan to avoid awkwardness.

Minutes went by, and lecture began. Still no Mark.

Fuck.

All this preparations and fear and worry and Eduardo never expected that Mark would avoid him first. He grew anxious because Mark had never tried to avoid him before. Mark would give him space, yes, but straight-out avoiding him, never.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Eduardo managed to screw up their friendship. Fuck, he knew he should have kept a tighter grip on his stupidity because Mark must have known what Eduardo felt about him, or maybe Mark was pissed off because he thought Eduardo was a homophobic bastard or something, which he wasn’t, he swear—

The sound of the back door creaking open and then sliding shut startled Eduardo from his internal rambling. He whipped his head back so fast that his neck ached, but it didn’t matter because there Mark was, shuffling down the stairs to sit next to Eduardo.

“Where were you?” Eduardo whispered as Mark pulled his laptop from his backpack.

“Overslept,” Mark replied. “Stayed up late.”

“Oh,” Eduardo said, wondering what kept Mark up so late. But then he wished that he didn’t because he didn’t want to think about what Mark might be up to with Chris and Dustin. And Billy.

Sure, Mark didn’t seem to be mad at him, actually, Eduardo had trouble deciphering what Mark could be feeling 99% of the time, but if he had to take a guess now, Mark probably wasn’t angry. Probably. Maybe. Possibly.

Eduardo braced himself for a showdown when lecture was over.

But when class ended and they began packing up, Mark’s demeanor didn’t change. No epic showdown was imminent then, but….

“You coming over for dinner tonight?” Mark asked.

Eduardo almost collapsed in relief. He knew what this meant. Mark was offering a truce, a ‘okay, let’s forget about what happened last night and move on,’ a ‘yes, we are still friends’ message. Mark didn’t want to talk about last night either.

Yet, even though this was something that Eduardo wanted, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed, as if a part of him wanted Mark to mention last night. Which was ridiculous, because Eduardo didn’t want to change the status quo, didn’t want to change their friendship into something else. He didn’t. But the important part was: Part of him did feel that way.

This was a dangerous road he was treading on.

“I’m actually going out with a bunch of guys from the Investors’ Club tonight,” said Eduardo, making a note to call Trevor and the guys right away.

No, Eduardo was not avoiding Mark. He just needed some space right now.

“Alright,” Mark said, and then he gave Eduardo this look that Eduardo couldn’t decipher. Eduardo suddenly felt as if he was ripping something apart, but he couldn’t figure out why.

When Mark turned to leave, Eduardo had a strange urge to stop him, but he didn’t.

***

Most of the guys on the Investor’s Club already had plans, but at least Trevor said that he was coming along with two other friends not from the club. Eduardo was fine with that. Frankly, he didn’t care who Trevor brought.

He was waiting outside of Chutney’s when he spotted Trevor heading his way.

“Hey man,” Trevor greeted. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much. You?”

“It’s been good. Oh, Jessica finally called me back a few minutes ago.” Everyone in the Investor’s Club knew who Jessica was, or at least, as much as Trevor was willing to tell them. It was always Jessica this and Jessica that, but when someone asked if she was his girlfriend yet, Trevor always said that he was working on it. That had been going on for three months.

“What did she say?” Eduardo asked.

“She was going with some friends to Charlie’s Kitchen and asked if I wanted to come along,” Trevor replied with a grimace.

“Really?” Eduardo felt bad because Trevor was here instead. He did call out of the blue. “Hey, you should go and call her back.”

“I don’t want to ditch you man,” said Trevor, although his expression said that he would much rather tail after Jessica.

“Just go,” Eduardo urged even if he didn’t really feel the enthusiasm. “Maybe after all this time, you could finally call Jessica your girlfriend.”

Trevor looked like he was considering it. “Well, she did say that she wanted her friends to meet me.”

“See? You have to go.”

“You think so?” asked Trevor. “Do you think it means something that she want me to meet her friends?”

“Definitely,” said Eduardo. Honestly, he didn’t have a clue, but it was better to sound encouraging. “You have to go; you don’t want to miss this kind of opportunity.”

But Trevor was not convinced. “But what about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” Eduardo replied. “I’ll just get to-go and come back to my dorm to study for a quiz tomorrow.”

“If you’re sure,” Trevor still sounded hesitant, but Eduardo knew that he already made a choice. It was Jessica after all. “Oh hey, the two guys that I was talking about are coming here. Are you okay with eating with them alone? I could call them to cancel if you want.”

“No, its fine. I don’t mind meeting new people,” said Eduardo. “Just go.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Then Trevor was off, fumbling with his cell phone as he practically ran across the street. Eduardo was definitely going to tease him about it later.

But the main issue was, Eduardo was now alone. He didn’t want to eat alone, but he didn’t want to eat with complete strangers either. Maybe he should have asked Trevor to call the other two guys and cancelled.

“Eduardo!” a familiar voice called him.

Oh no.

Eduardo spotted them right away: Dustin and Chris weaving through the streets toward him, Chris with a wave and Dustin with a ridiculous expression on his face. Great.

“Hey guys,” Eduardo greeted as they approached him. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We’re meeting up with someone for dinner. Trevor Tarkovsky,” Dustin replied.

“What are you doing here?” asked Chris.

“Wait, you guys know Trevor?”

“Yeah, he’s in my political economy class,” said Chris.

“Oh,” Eduardo didn’t know that, but he wasn’t surprised because Chris knew everyone. “Well, Trevor had to head off to meet up with this girl.” He hoped to stall for as much time as possible to formulate an exit strategy. It would be tough because Dustin was stealthier than he looked, and Chris had secret powers. He just did. Escape from Chris was a rare occurrence. Mark managed to do it once, but only because he hadn’t shower for a month.

“Jessica, right?” said Chris. “Are you the friend he was supposed to be meeting?”

“Yeah,” Eduardo admitted, figuring that lying to Chris the secret weapon would be a bad idea. Eduardo liked keeping his life. “How do you know Trevor, Dustin?”

Stall for time. Stall for time. Stall for time.

“I don’t,” Dustin replied. “I’m just tagging along.”

Suddenly, there was something very wrong with this picture. Eduardo frowned. “So where’s Mark?” He tried for a casual voice, hoping that he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt. Eduardo had come to expect Mark to materialize whenever Dustin and Chris were around, and his absence was making Eduardo anxious.

“He left to check out HEM,” Dustin answered. “I would go too but all of their shifts conflict with my physics lab.”

“What’s HEM?” That sounded familiar, but Eduardo didn’t remember what is was.

“Harvard Engineering Mentors.”

Ah, now he remembered. “Why?”

“Maybe he wants to impress someone,” said Dustin.

Chris shot him a look.

“What? It’s true,” Dustin said.

Eduardo would gape if he was in a more private setting without the eyes of Dustin and Chris because he couldn’t imagine Mark trying to help high school kids with math and physics. Now, Eduardo would love to ponder this further, but Dustin and Chris just shot each other more secretive looks. Before Eduardo could turn on his heels and escape, they both started forward, and Chris hook an arm around Eduardo’s left while Dustin on the right.

“We need to talk,” they said in unison.

Eduardo was doomed. Doomed.

***

This was intense.

They were inside the restaurant, waiting for their order, and Chris had tactfully chosen to sit right across from Eduardo while Dustin flanked on Eduardo’s side to block any attempt at escaping. Eduardo cursed his luck. Chris was very good at interrogation, not because he screamed or tortured people like those old Hollywood movies. There was something about his eyes and his voice that made people blurt out everything and take out wallet pictures of their puppies to show him.

Eduardo vowed to remain strong. He did not have pictures of puppies in his wallet, but he did have pictures of Mark and him from that one trip to Boston, which neither Dustin nor Chris will ever find out about. Mark didn’t even know about them. Nor will any of the guys know about that one time he stood in line with an old lady when she showed him pictures of her granddaughter, and he had showed her those pictures of Mark and him.

“Is he, what do you kids call each other these days…” She frowned in concentration. “Boyfriend? Partner?”

“He’s a very good friend,” Eduardo said, and left it at that.

So no, Dustin, Chris, and Mark will never see these pictures. But back to the present situation:

Chris folded his arms. “So, why have you been avoiding us?”

Before he could deny this allegation, Dustin added. “We have report from Billy Olson that you were spotted early this morning.” He put his hand under his chin. “What do you have to say about this?”

Eduardo blinked. “I was heading to class.”

“Dustin, what does this have to do with anything?” asked Chris.

“Nothing,” Dustin grinned. “I just want to be bad cop, you know? Since you’re the good cop.”

Chris slapped a hand to his forehead, and Eduardo couldn’t help it. He laughed.

Dustin beamed at this. He patted Eduardo on the shoulder. “Good to see you so relaxed, man. You were pretty tense there. You know that you have nothing to worry about, right?”

“We’re just worried about you,” said Chris.

And then Chris made such a gentle and understanding expression that Eduardo just wanted to tell him everything, but he couldn’t because he didn’t have words to describe this thing with Mark, whatever it was.

He kept his hands away from his pocket, just in case he found the urge to take out his wallet.

“It’s nothing,” Eduardo said, feeling guilty for making them worried. Now that he thought about it, avoiding them was stupid of him. They were good friends, putting effort in trying to reach out and communicate with him. It made Eduardo felt ashamed of even thinking that he was left out of the Chris-Dustin-Mark loop.

“At least we’re calm about it,” said Dustin. “You should have seen Mark last night.”

Eduardo frowned. “What happened?”

“He went to your place to look for you,” said Chris. “Gone for about two hours. Came back, grabbed his jacket, and left again. He came back about 10 minutes later without his jacket, and when we asked, he didn’t say anything. We just assumed that you guys worked things out, but then you avoided us this morning, and we realized that wasn’t the case.”

“No, we didn’t talk,” said Eduardo. Finally, the strangeness of the morning came back to him, Andrew’s talk about the loiter in their building, the reappearance of his missing jacket….

“Yeah, we figured,” said Dustin. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” said Eduardo. He didn’t know what to think with all of this new information. Mark went looking for him?

Dustin looked like he wanted to say something, but Chris’s look stopped him. “Just tell us whenever you’re ready,” Chris said gently.

Eduardo nodded, grateful for the space to sort his feelings out, but also glad that someone was there for him. “Yeah.” He wished that he had every figured out because he really wanted to explain it to his friends, helping them understand and even wipe off that concerned look they kept giving him. But at the same time, these were his feelings, his issues, and Eduardo didn’t know whether or not he was being selfish by wanting to keep them inside for only himself. These were his problems to deal with, not Chris’s or Dustin’s, or Mark’s.

Nevertheless, it was kind of Chris and Dustin. “Thanks guys.”

Chris smiled, while Dustin said. “Aww, no prob. I would totally go for a hug right now, but I really need to pee.”

Eduardo chuckled. Chris just shook his head. “Then go. You don’t have to advertise it to the restaurant.”

“But I was going to give you guys the whole story about how badly I needed to go, but Chris kept getting—”

“Just go already,” Chris shoved Dustin’s shoulder.

“Ok ok,” Dustin put up both of his hands placatingly. “I’ll be right back.” And then Dustin was gone, disappearing behind the crowd of people and the line waiting to order their food.

“Alright,” said Chris, his serious tone snapped Eduardo out of the comfortable bubble he’d built. “You need to talk to Mark.” Chris’s shoulders relaxed, however, as if he was waiting for Dustin to leave to tell Eduardo this.

Eduardo stared at Chris, feeling disoriented with Chris’s sudden change in mood. “Wait, what?” He probably sounded very stupid right now, but Chris was being weird and that threw Eduardo off.

“You need to talk to Mark, Eduardo,” Chris repeated, leaning forward and lowering his voice so that only Eduardo could hear.

“I don’t—” Eduardo began, but Chris continued. “I understand that you might be confused with your feelings toward Mark, but you should be straightforward with him. Tell him that you’re confused. He deserves at least this much.”

“But,” Eduardo swallowed. “How can I even tell him when I don’t even know what I’m supposed to tell him?”

“Try to communicate with him, Eduardo. Mark may be a genius, but he doesn’t understand people the way others do. Even knowing that you’re confused would be enough for him, just so he doesn’t get the wrong idea,” Chris glanced at the direction that Dustin disappeared to, as if Dustin was going to materialize by their side at any moment.

“I don’t know,” Eduardo sighed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

There was moment of silence between them, and then Chris sighed. Eduardo suddenly realized how tired Chris looked, how reserved he had been, how he had to wait until Dustin left to tell Eduardo this, and that worried Eduardo. “Chris, is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Chris rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It’s fine.”

Eduardo wanted to point out that no, everything didn’t look as if it was fine, but Chris began speaking again. “I was hoping that I didn’t have to tell you this.”

“Tell me what?” Eduardo asked gently, a part of him curious, but another part didn’t want to know if it would pain Chris to tell him.

“It’s…it’s confusing as hell trying to figure out if someone is interested in you, Eduardo. Especially if that someone is a friend. Because—” Chris paused, searching for the next words, and Eduardo was alarmed because he’d never seen Chris like this, ever. Chris shook it off, however, and continued on. “It’s important that you two communicate with each other, even if it’s to say that you’re confused, so that you two won’t get hurt down the road.”

“I understand,” said Eduardo. That made sense. Sort of. Eduardo wanted to disagree with Chris. Sometimes, it was best not to reveal his feelings because what if Mark didn’t feel the same, what if Eduardo did say it, and then their friendship would be awkward. Mark didn’t even like to deal with his own feelings, let alone Eduardo’s. “I just…I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, and I really don’t want to hurt Mark by giving him a false alarm or bother him with…whatever this is.”

“Don’t block Mark out because you think you’re protecting him, because you’re not,” said Chris. “Don’t pity-protect him because that’s just a way for you to protect yourself.”

Eduardo was shocked at the sudden aggression. This was not Chris. Something was wrong. “I don’t pity Mark,” Eduardo said slowly. “Chris, is everything alright with Dustin?”

Chris froze.

That was enough for Eduardo to guess. Eduardo felt horrible. He didn’t even notice the tension between Chris and Dustin, how Chris was struggling all this time and Eduardo didn’t even see or ask what was wrong. He didn’t even know if Dustin was suffering too. Eduardo had been so absorbed in his own issues that he didn’t even notice that his friends were not as happy as they seemed.

Eduardo wanted to say something like, “I’m sorry.” He wanted Chris to talk to him, but then Chris looked away, and Eduardo spotted Dustin walking back toward them, so he just said. “Yeah, I’ll talk to Mark.”

Chris gave him a grateful look.

***

As a result of that conversation with Chris, Eduardo spent much of dinner watching for a sign of conflict between Chris and Dustin. However, they must be better actors than Eduardo thought because he couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. Chris regained his composure, and Dustin was acting as he always did.

Eduardo wondered if he could do the same with Mark, keeping this constant hidden tension between them while still maintaining a good friendship front.

But if he really thought about it, he really didn’t want to.

***

“Nice jacket,” Dustin grinned.

Eduardo looked down on his North Face jacket. “What? I always had this jacket.”

“Your jacket?” Dustin said. “I thought it was Mark’s.”

“Why would you think that it was Mark’s?”

“Nevermind,” Dustin shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Mark wore it a lot so I just figured it was his.”

“Oh.”

***

Eduardo decided that he was going to talk to Mark. He was going to wait for Mark to come back, and then, while waiting, he would figure something out. Eduardo learned from Dustin that Mark probably wouldn’t be back until ten, and luckily, Dustin and Chris were going to be out for a while in order for Mark and Eduardo to have some privacy. He was so caught up in this plan that he jumped in surprise to find one Mark Zuckerberg sitting casually on the couch. Eduardo stared at Mark for a while because he wasn’t ready for this; he didn’t even have a plan of action yet.

“Hey Wardo,” Mark greeted, effectively cut off any of Eduardo’s escape attempt. There was no chance to avoid this. 

“Hey Mark,” Eduardo said, walking in the room and closing the door behind him.

An awkward silence fell in between them. Eduardo ransacked his mind to find a way to continue the conversation, but he suddenly couldn’t remember what he and Mark used to talk about.

“Do you have to be somewhere else?” Mark asked. Eduardo felt uncomfortable under Mark’s gaze, but he couldn’t look away.

“No.”

“You could sit down,” Mark said.

“Right.”

Mark was supposed to be back at ten. It was still too early. Did Dustin or Chris manage to get a hold of Mark? But, even if they did, Mark had no reason to rush back here to talk to Eduardo. Not that Eduardo didn’t appreciate the effort, but there was no need to. Perhaps there was an implication behind this—how important he was to Mark—but Eduardo wasn’t ready for it.

  
Eduardo decided to take a seat on the armchair instead of the couch next to Mark. Mark’s eyes followed his every movement, and the heaviness of Mark’s stare unnerved Eduardo. Eduardo used to be very conscious of Mark’s presence, but now, he was more conscious of how Mark looked at him.

“Thanks for the jacket back,” Eduardo said awkwardly.

“I was borrowing it,” Mark said, which Eduardo took to be, ‘No, you don’t have to thank me.’

“Do you have a problem with it?”

“What?”

“The fact that I like guys as well.” Mark wasn’t looking at Eduardo anymore. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and pulled his knees in, tucking his feet under the couch.

“No,” Eduardo said, even though it felt like a lie. He didn’t dare to glance at Mark’s reaction to his words, moving his eyes to his own folded hands instead. He was wearing the watch his father gave him on his birthday. It felt heavy.

“Did something happen?” Eduardo asked, for lack of anything better to say. He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel about Mark, and a part of him didn’t want to think about it. “To make you….”

“No,” Mark said sharply. “I’ve always been bi. I didn’t have any traumatic experience that forced me into fucking guys, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Mark’s words stung. Eduardo felt his stomach growing cold as he understood that he must have sounded like a narrow-minded person.

“Sorry, it’s just…your first time with that guy….”

“I knew that I like both women and men when I was in fifth grade, Wardo,” Mark pulled his hands from his pocket and crossed his arms. He looked defensive. “My first time had nothing to do with it.”

There was something dangerous in Mark’s tone that made Eduardo felt as if he was the worst human being ever existed. Eduardo felt that he was trapped in a landmine where, no matter what direction he went, he wouldn’t be able to escape.

“Right,” Eduardo swallowed. “Sorry.”

“And before you ask: No, I’m not a straight or a gay guy who’s confused.”

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Eduardo said defensively.

“I like you,” Mark said suddenly, and Eduardo became speechless for a moment. He quickly regained his composure, however.

“In that way?”

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

Mark paused, and Eduardo attempted to meet Mark’s eyes, only to find that Mark was avoiding him. “Since we first met.”

“Oh.” That was a long time. “Did you befriend me because you were interested in me in that way?”

“Yes,” Mark narrowed his eyes. “Sorry if you feel that cheapens our friendship.”

Eduardo felt a steady rise of anger growing in his chest. Mark was always like that, yanking Eduardo without warning into a confusing storm of emotions, and, before Eduardo could figure out what he was supposed to feel, Mark pulled away abruptly, and the world would become still again, only it would feel so hollow, the empty space that Mark left behind.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Eduardo said. “Don’t force what you think I should feel on me.”

“Well, what do you feel then?” Mark raised his voice. Eduardo didn’t notice before, but Mark was clutching at his own elbows so tightly his nails were probably digging into his skin. Mark looked like he was trying to hold himself together under the weight of Eduardo’s judgment, even though Eduardo wasn’t judging him.

“I don’t hate your feelings for me,” Eduardo said softly, and felt relieved when Mark’s stiffened shoulders began to relax. “I don’t know if I feel the same way though. I know I’ve been looking at you differently lately, but….”

Sure, Eduardo felt something for Mark, especially after he learned that Mark liked guys. He began to wonder what it would be like if he was with Mark, if he could touch Mark, if he could be with Mark as something more than a friend.

“You got curious,” Mark said flatly.

“Is there something wrong with that? Being curious?”

“Being curious is different from being interested, Wardo.”

Mark’s gaze dropped to the floor, and Eduardo wondered if he shouldn’t have said that. Nevertheless, he couldn’t lie to Mark, not with this.

“But I am interested,” Eduardo insisted. “Maybe my feelings aren’t the same as yours, but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to try.”

“Really?” Mark drawled, and Eduardo felt slightly irritated. Even though Eduardo understood that they were going to make a delicate situation even more fragile if they were to jump into this, and Mark, who had feelings for him, was in a more difficult position, Eduardo couldn’t help but bristled at the implication that he wasn’t going to have a tough time as well, that Mark was the only one to be hurt if this didn’t work out.

“We won’t know until we try,” Eduardo said.

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Mark asked, and it was the first time that Eduardo had seen him so vulnerable. He had a fleeting thought that he wanted to see more of this, more of Mark’s softer side and insecurities and everything.

Eduardo reached out a hand and traced the line of Mark’s jaw. Mark didn’t flinch from his touch, but he didn’t lean into it either. Eduardo had a momentary spark of panic that shit, perhaps this wasn’t going to work out after all because Mark wasn’t a girl here, and Eduardo couldn’t make Mark feel good the way he did with a girl, and he didn’t know anything about how they were going to do this. 

Eduardo jerked his hand away. He swallowed. “I don’t know.”

Fuck, they were back to square one, weren’t they?

“We don’t have to do anything yet,” Eduardo said. “Maybe…I’m sorry,” he sighed, burying his face in his hands.

This situation was getting more and more difficult.

“You don’t have to apologize for something you didn’t do wrong, Wardo,” Mark said, sounding fond, and perhaps Eduardo had always been more affected by Mark’s words than anyone else, because he lifted his face from his palm to meet Mark’s eyes.

“Would you wait for me?” Eduardo asked, although something within him already knew the answer. He wasn’t ready yet, but he would be soon.

“Not like I have any better prospect,” Mark said dryly, and the response was so Mark that Eduardo couldn’t hold back a laugh. It was comforting, in a way, to know that Mark was still going to be Mark no matter what, and even though both of their lives were going to change after this, there was a chance that things were going to be alright. They were still themselves.

“Sorry about that,” Eduardo said.

“You’re not sorry.” The corners of Mark’s lips twitched, and Eduardo had to admit that Mark was right.


End file.
